Today I had a project folder to turn in, but I didn’t make it to class. Let’s clarify that I didn’t make it to class because I was working on the folder at the last minute. I thought it was ready, but in the morning as I was leaving I realized that I’d forgotten one key component and I had to stay home and do it.

I knew my professor taught another class right after mine so I planned to just go at the end of class. David announced he had to go help with a set up at the church (there is always something for him to set up or take down) and it became evident that I would have to take Styx with me to school to turn in the project.

David and I call this particular teacher the baby hater because even though the school has a well publicized “children welcome in classrooms and testing center and library and everywhere” policy, he tells everyone he does not like children in his classroom.  Guess what. The baby hater loooooves babies. He was so taken by her, I didn’t think he heard a word I said. He took my folder, he smiled stupidly at the baby and then she handed him the stuffed pig she was carrying. Man, she played her part well. She laughed, she said bye bye, and the she said please when she wanted the pig back.

As I was leaving he called out “I hope you all feel better soon”… even though I never said we’d been sick, and we’re not. He really did not hear a word I was saying…

The question is, do I use this newfound power to fight crime or for evil?

My tiny little baby is out of her crib. It’s so sad, and most inconvenient, really. But she is Harry Houdini reincarnate, so it’s really surprising she made it this far. She was weaseling out of the stroller straps at eight months, laughing in the faces of the Safety 1st baby proofing stuff by 11 months and opening all manner of containers and trunks, even those with latches, at 14 months. She can now successfully climb out of her crib and fall to her death. By some heavenly intervention she still can’t mess with the straps on the car seat, although it’s not for lack of trying.

We decided that it was time to take off the side of the crib so she can… well, not fall to her death every day. This also necessitated a change of bedrooms, which is unfortunate for me. Her new room is the only room in the house that’s finished, and therefore safest for her, and the room that was my room when I woke up this morning. So sad. I just lost my new bedroom to a baby.

The change is temporary, as soon as the next bedroom is ready she will be moving in there, this time permanently. She’s had a hard time staying in bed, which we anticipated, so tonight she didn’t go to sleep until about 11pm. She should be a zombie tomorrow.

We decided to put a gate in the doorway, because I am not willing to have her sleeping in a room by herself with the door closed but I also don’t think it’s a good idea for her to take a midnight stroll through the house. We’ll see how the first night goes.

Also, the crib people (per the instructions) say that babies are unable to get out of it until they are 35 inches tall and she is 33 inches. I want some justice here.

My hair is at that stage where I don’t know what to do with it. I’m growing it out but only because I can’t think of anything else to do with it, and that’s the default. I haven’t worn my hair out of a bun/pony tail for months. Months I tell you. What’s the point of having long hair if it’s always hidden?

I don’t know what to do. I used to have really long hair and I liked it, but it’s high maintenance. I have little time and enthusiasm for taking care of hair.

I used to have chin-length hair and I really liked it, but it’s high maintenance. I have little time and enthusiasm for taking care for hair.

I used to have red hair, black hair, hair  with blue and purple streaks in it. I used to have green hair and strawberry blond, and darker brown hair. Now it’s just my hair, which hasn’t been colored in three years because I just don’t know what’s next. (One thing’s for sure, I am not a blonde.)

I don’t know how to cut it, or color it, so it just sits there. If I were pregnant the answer would be easy. Cut it short, so it doesn’t get in the way when I vomit. (Sad, but true.) If I had  money the answer would be lots of layers and highlights.  If I had time it would be grow it out, wear it wavy, flowing and beautiful.

I have to make a decision re: my hair soon, I’ve been postponing it for so long. I gave myself a deadline. Nov 10, aka my birthday.  I should make an appointment with *Cecile for that day to make it more official. I should call Cecile and tell her that if I haven’t made a decision she needs to make it for me.

For my birthday I also want Chinese food and boots. It’s pretty safe to say that I will want those same things for my birthday for as long as I live.

*Cecile is my no-nonsense, incredible, talented, understanding stylist who’s been doing my hair since the tender age of 17 and therefore knows it better than I do. She’s never dissapointed me, even though I cheated on her twice. Never again, I’ve learned my lesson.

I’m tired of writing things like ” I did this and that and I have pictures so I won’t post about it until later, but it’s coming”. Or “Mom I will take pictures of Styx’s Halloween costume and send them to you asap”. Or even “I will clean the bathroom today”…. and then it doesn’t happen.

Like Styx’s Fall wardrobe that I put together with $30. It’s cute, it’s great, I haven’t posted about it yet. Why? I can probably blame school. But mostly I think I could’ve found the time to do it, though I couldn’t tell you when. This would be an easy time to say “but I’ll do it soon” but I won’t. In fact, I’m going to take back all those promises, all the times I said I would post something soon. Take them all back. Now.

I am busy and worried (though I should be less so, there isn’t that much to worry about). I am looking for a job, David is looking for a job. We’re trying to figure out the schedule for next semester and how to pay for childcare when you have no income? I’m also wrestling with the decision to become a U.S. citizen or not, which I’ve made into a hugely personal issue rather than just a piece of paper that will make my life easier. (And here, where I could easily promise another post solely about that, I do no such thing.) I haven’t been grocery shopping in a long time and our fridge is stocked with David’s choices, which is lamentable and weighs on my mind.

I still haven’t finished sewing Styx’s blue corduroy dress, and I’m afraid that by the time I do she will be too tall for it. I am feeling inadequate because usually, when things get complicated, that’s when I swoop in and fix everything. Now things have been ‘complicated’ for a month and there’s been no swoop. Why can’t I swoop?

I make no more promises. I’m having a hard time keeping the ones I can’t take back and I can’t afford to have many more outstanding ones.  My head is full of to-dos and thoughts and ideas and I can’t find the time to do, write, sell, paint, create. Each one is like a credit in the imaginary T account in my brain. Right now I’m in the red.

Well, I have no trouble with them.

But David doesn’t like them any more. He thinks they are problematic, because Styx has been taking them off. Of course, she has been able to do that for a while but now she is also able to take off her clothes to gain access to the diaper. She can’t take off the disposable diapers, so David has started using those again. He wants me to do it, too.

I decided to explore why she wants to take the diapers off in the first place.  My theory is that they are uncomfortable, so I put her in the tiniest panties in the whole wide world. Seriously, these things are ridiculously small. I can’t even believe it. AND they’re a bit baggy on her. Anyway, I put her in the panties and told her that when she wanted to go potty, she should let me know.

She kept the panties on. And she wet them, eventually, which I had anticipated. But she never once tried to take them off. In fact, when I tried to put her back in a diaper at nap time she cried and screamed and tried to pull it off. My “diapers are uncomfortable” theory hasn’t been proved wrong yet.

So we’re working on the potty training with more traditional methods now and we’ve now instituted the treat.  Every time she goes to the potty she gets a gummy bear, which I guess is supposed to be a no-no for 18-month olds, but she loves them and she’s never once had trouble with them.

Yesterday she said “potty” and did the sign and David was so excited he came to get me first, and was therefore too slow in getting her to the bathroom… so she didn’t make it. But hey! She did it! She said potty before going! We gave her a gummy bear anyway and we made a big deal out of it. She’s getting close.

Anyway, I told David I am not willing to go back to disposable diapers, but I am willing to potty train the kid. He’s OK with my idea. We’re skipping the diapers again tomorrow…

There must be something about me that attracts black men.  I was hit on by a very attractive black man today at the school library.  He’s not the first. He’s not even the first this month (he’s the second one). He was very nice, even after I told him I was married. Then he asked me why I wasn’t wearing a ring…

I haven’t worn my wedding ring in years. It gets in the way, it’s annoying and I wash my hands constantly so I’m taking it off all the time because I hate the feeling of soap and water underneath it. It’s easier to just leave it off all the time. But this guy jokingly suggested that I should wear it or get one that wasn’t uncomfortable. Then it turned out he was taking a class I took last year and we talked about it for a little while. He was nice and funny and I would’ve given him my number if I’d met him 5.5 years ago.

It occurred to me that all those guys probably think I’m lying and had no interest in them, since I have no ring. I’m guessing I will probably start wearing the darn thing just because I don’t want to look like a liar, nor do I want to waste someone’s valuable finding a girlfriend time.

Three observations:

1- Even though this has happened many times before, this is the first time someone mentioned the lack of ring and this is the first time it occurred to me that a ring would stop this.

2- The ratio of black men to white men who have hit on me over my lifetime is ridiculous, especially given the ratio of black men to white men in the general Utah population.

3- By the time I actually locate the ring I will have forgotten all about this.

And a fourth:

I told my husband and he laughed and said “poor guy” . I love that he’s not stupid and possessive.

I got an email from school today letting me know when I should register for the next semester. My first thought was… “already?!” but I guess it’s October which makes sense. It’s gone by fast. I’m starting to deal with midterm stuff.

I was going through the preliminary schedule and what classes I need to take and I realized that next semester could possibly be my last conventional semester. It won’t be my last overall, but it’s possible (if the planets align just so and the right classes are offered at the right time) that I will only need one or two classes in the summer and then be done! Well.. with that portion of things anyway…

It’s kind of exciting, even though I anticipate the planets will not align (they hardly ever do) and I will still be going to school anyway because I have prerequisites for graduate school. I don’t know. But finishing a degree is a good stopping place, or a good place to take a breather, or a good place to take a step back and feel good about oneself.

I could technically go super fast and attempt everything I have left next semester, but it would be a really dumb idea especially since I am applying to internships that I intend to do during the semester and I want to apply to a crazy-impossible internship in the summer that I’m not even going to talk about because in order for it to happen not only would the planets have to align just so, but the entire Universe, too. And whoever gets to pick from the gazillion applicants has to be drunk. Or euphoric. Or mentally ill. –> But that’s a different post altogether.

I was surprised. And pleased. And my husband is upset with me for having too much homework to do. *sigh*

Last night while David was at Presidency meeting was the first time in a week that we’ve been apart, except those times that I was at school. And let me tell you, it was great. I’m one of those people who likes alone time, and silence, and I haven’t been getting much of that this past week.

Of course, it’s nothing to complain about. I mean, come on: “My husband spends all his free time with me and our baby” is not exactly complaint-worthy. But nevertheless, it’s nice when they’re both gone. As they were last night, David to his meeting and Styx to her bed after 8pm.

I made the muffins mentioned above, which only take 20 minutes to make and are pretty yummy and then I learned a whole bunch of stuff about neurons and neuroglia. Good times.

This morning I realized that while it was nice to have that two hours once a week, it is probably not enough for me. So today David decided to move my desk and a chair to our unfinished bedroom while we wait for the flooring we chose to come in and to be installed. Until October 19th I get to have my own little haven. I’m supposed to be “doing homework”, which I do, but since the room is so quiet and peaceful I can do everything I need to do a lot faster and I get to do other things, like listen to my own breath and the voices in my head.

I just got it an hour ago and I never wanna let it go.

And these muffins are delicious.

David came home from work early today, at 2pm. It was surprising, because he hadn’t called to say he was coming, or that anything out of the ordinary was happening.

I asked why he was home, but I knew what it was. I’ve been expecting it, wishing for it.

“I got laid off today”

(YEESSS!!!)

I’m so excited. The highly stressful job is gone, the company is disappearing and we don’t have to deal with it any more. Although they have provided us both with most of our wealth and job experience, so I am grateful to have known them and I do not regret anything.  But I’m incredibly excited that it happened this way, because I know David was so reluctant to leave that he probably wouldn’t have.

We’ve taken today to just enjoy the news (we are both excited, isn’t it weird?) and we’ll come up with a plan tomorrow. He’s already been looking for another job of course, but now it will be more intensely. In the meantime, I get to go to school and enjoy having my husband around.

We have also been discussing the possibility of him going back to school and me staying in school and having that student lifestyle we sort of skipped. We’re not sure what’s going to happen, but it’s very exciting for us.

The one and only reason I will probably never, ever turn vegan:

All about cheese.